A Very Funny Chat – Warning: Adult Themes

I love the people I chat with on Skype. Most are irreverent and simply don’t take life too seriously. Well, actually they take a small bit of life  very seriously.

It was my friend Tommy’s birthday and I skyped him to wish him well (to be honest I was prompted by Skype – a feature I have loved forever!).
You may know him from such twitter profiles as @kode4food – where he plays a grouchy, irreverent developer/maker.

Here is the transcript. Hope you cry laughing 😉

Skype:

It’s Tommy’s birthday today
Forgot the birthday card? We can help – send them a Skype Gift Card instead.

Me 10:27
Hapy Birfday to you, Happy Birfday to you, Happy Birfday dear Tommy, Happy Birfday to you. Hip Hip Surgery!

Tommy 10:35
haha thanks!

Me 11:40
What you got planned?

Tommy 12:17
well.. my wife (soon to be) bought me a nice tobacco pipe.. I figured I’d smoke that a little bit, then have some indian food, then come back and smoke a little more. it’s a bit rainy today, so not much else can be done

I figure now that i’m 41 and I’ve spent most of my life playing it safe, it’s time to throw caution to the wind and start smoking

Me 12:19
dude – thats is stupid idea

Tommy 12:19
nah!
not like I’ll be a chain smoker, it’s a fucking pipe after all

Me 12:19
dude – its a fucking filthy habit

Tommy 12:19
I’m a filthy filthy man

Me 12:20
you always think its cool, but its filthy
its like walking around with dried turd on your underpants filthy

not 90 year old man fucking a 21 year old hottie filthy

Tommy 12:20
ha

Me 12:20
easy to confuse I know

Tommy 12:21
who says I don’t already walk around with dried turd in my shorts?

Me 12:21
but your clothes will stink like an ashtray and your wife (soon to be) will stop kissing you

I swear

Tommy 12:21
brb
nah, she won’t

Me 12:21
and your pseudo kids will learn that you don’t respect yourself, not really

and will subliminally not respect you, all because papa hittin the old man pipe

Tommy 12:22
I think they already know that
god, if they only knew me in my twenties

Me 12:23
you will be such a conformist when you smoke this, you will join the ranks of the can’t think for themselves

Tommy 12:23
I smoked weed like a chimney from the time I got home til the time I went to bed

Me 12:24
weed is an exception when you have brain cells to burn, dude you are on a downward spiral now re: brain cells

Tommy 12:24
comformists smoke pipes?

Me 12:24
you need the ones you have to help you keep from being incontinent and drooling uncontrollably
a 41 year old who can’t control his own bowel movements, well that is just wrong.

yes – conformists smoke pipes. , fucking conformists

Tommy 12:24
too late!
ha

Me 12:25
hahaha

Tommy 12:25
honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone smoke a pipe… like ever

Me 12:25
dude – clearly you are hellbent on doing this
so do it

Tommy 12:26
I tried cigars, but they’re a pain in the ass

Me 12:26
and then stop doing it
BTW you’re not supposed to smoke cigars with your ass (it is a great party trick though)

I once saw this woman in Bangkok smoke a cigar with her pussy
somethings you can’t unsee.

I’m going to put this conversation on my blog by the way

it is fucking class.
I will change names to protect the innocent.

Tommy 14:55
then you don’t even want to know about my heroin overdose suicide pact
I think I’d like to see the Bangkok trick
just to say I saw it
yes, please do
Samsung says I should buy a Galaxy Note 10 for Mom
what’s the address of this here blog you’re gonna write?

Me 14:59
i will post the link once I have it – it’s one of those cheap market tricks where you don;t get to see what you;re buying. I always wanted to pull one of those scams, so now I will. With a blog post (how fucking lame!)

I hope you enjoyed it for the crass, uncensored but thoroughly hilarious skit it is.  If not, thanks for dropping by – you might want to check out Prudes Anonymous while you’re about.