I love the people I chat with on Skype. Most are irreverent and simply don't take life too seriously. Well, actually they take a small bit of life very seriously.
It was my friend Tommy's birthday and I skyped him to wish him well (to be honest I was prompted by Skype - a feature I have loved forever!). You may know him from such twitter profiles as @kode4food - where he plays a grouchy, irreverent developer/maker.
Here is the transcript. Hope you cry laughing ;-)
Skype:I hope you enjoyed it for the crass, uncensored but thoroughly hilarious skit it is. If not, thanks for dropping by - you might want to check out Prudes Anonymous while you're about.It's Tommy's birthday today Forgot the birthday card? We can help - send them a Skype Gift Card instead.
Me 10:27 Hapy Birfday to you, Happy Birfday to you, Happy Birfday dear Tommy, Happy Birfday to you. Hip Hip Surgery!
Tommy 10:35 haha thanks!
Me 11:40 What you got planned?
Tommy 12:17 well.. my wife (soon to be) bought me a nice tobacco pipe.. I figured I'd smoke that a little bit, then have some indian food, then come back and smoke a little more. it's a bit rainy today, so not much else can be done
I figure now that i'm 41 and I've spent most of my life playing it safe, it's time to throw caution to the wind and start smoking
Me 12:19 dude - thats is stupid idea
Tommy 12:19 nah! not like I'll be a chain smoker, it's a fucking pipe after all
Me 12:19 dude - its a fucking filthy habit
Tommy 12:19 I'm a filthy filthy man
Me 12:20 you always think its cool, but its filthy its like walking around with dried turd on your underpants filthy
not 90 year old man fucking a 21 year old hottie filthy
Tommy 12:20 ha
Me 12:20 easy to confuse I know
Tommy 12:21 who says I don't already walk around with dried turd in my shorts?
Me 12:21 but your clothes will stink like an ashtray and your wife (soon to be) will stop kissing you
I swear
Tommy 12:21 brb nah, she won't
Me 12:21 and your pseudo kids will learn that you don't respect yourself, not really
and will subliminally not respect you, all because papa hittin the old man pipe
Tommy 12:22 I think they already know that god, if they only knew me in my twenties
Me 12:23 you will be such a conformist when you smoke this, you will join the ranks of the can't think for themselves
Tommy 12:23 I smoked weed like a chimney from the time I got home til the time I went to bed
Me 12:24 weed is an exception when you have brain cells to burn, dude you are on a downward spiral now re: brain cells
Tommy 12:24 comformists smoke pipes?
Me 12:24 you need the ones you have to help you keep from being incontinent and drooling uncontrollably a 41 year old who can't control his own bowel movements, well that is just wrong.
yes - conformists smoke pipes. , fucking conformists
Tommy 12:24 too late! ha
Me 12:25 hahaha
Tommy 12:25 honestly, I don't think I've ever seen anyone smoke a pipe... like ever
Me 12:25 dude - clearly you are hellbent on doing this so do it
Tommy 12:26 I tried cigars, but they're a pain in the ass
Me 12:26 and then stop doing it BTW you're not supposed to smoke cigars with your ass (it is a great party trick though)
I once saw this woman in Bangkok smoke a cigar with her pussy somethings you can't unsee.
I'm going to put this conversation on my blog by the way
it is fucking class. I will change names to protect the innocent.
Tommy 14:55 then you don't even want to know about my heroin overdose suicide pact I think I'd like to see the Bangkok trick just to say I saw it yes, please do Samsung says I should buy a Galaxy Note 10 for Mom what's the address of this here blog you're gonna write?
Me 14:59 i will post the link once I have it - it's one of those cheap market tricks where you don;t get to see what you;re buying. I always wanted to pull one of those scams, so now I will. With a blog post (how fucking lame!)