@mhsutton

heart.head.work.life

Category: Being

  • Turning Thirty

    Turning Thirty

    No age has held ever much significance for me. Not twenty one or twenty five.

    Not since I was ten, when my Dad took me to buy a book of my choice – something about dinosaurs – have I held any age to be more special than any other age.
    So it seems all the more unusual to even dedicate some writing to turning thirty.

    On contemplation, it is not so much the passage of thirty years that bears significance though it may be slightly noteworthy (seeing as I’ve not been thirty before. I have been twenty nine before, so that holds no allure for me now!). What seems so inexplicably significant to me is what I feel those thirty years have included in terms of my successes and failures. Simply defined as things I’m proud of and things I’m not!.

    My successes and failures are self evident (seeing as I’m writing this for myself – they are evident to me!). But for completeness I shall list what I think major examples of each are.

    Successes (not in any particular order):

    • Making it through high school with no special effort – although it got a little hairy in the last year!
    • Struggling to work, be married and study for my professional qualifications (degree etc).
    • Learning to fly aeroplanes.
    • Being a Muslim, a Buddhist and born again Christian all within 8 months.
    • Having Brianna (baby girl number one).
    • Having Erin (baby girl number two).
    • Opening my eyes to the injustice of the world and realising we are all humans, equal and of one consciousness AND refusing to shut them!.
    • Being a dad – its the best thing that has ever happened to me (its focused my mind and soul and reminded me to feel) and simultaneously the worst thing (it makes me eternally vulnerable!).
    • Tending my ill Dad for 2 months – insignificant at the time, but now he’s not here, I realise how priceless that time was.
    • Realising that we are all given this one life – so I resolve to live it to the maximum whilst not hurting anyone (intentionally) and enhancing humanity in my time here.
    • Appreciating that there are far worse things in the world than the minor inconveniences that I endure, cushioned in the security of modern Britain!!

    My failures

    • Being mean to my Dad as a precocious 16 year old and not righting my ways before he died. (ok , even in an unordered list, this is #1)
    • Failing to be the picture perfect father in a traditional family structure. Well this is technically a failure – but an unavoidable one. I could not stay married because the love, respect and commitment was pretty much extinguished.
    • Not getting a PhD before 30. This bugged me for a long time – but not anymore – I resolved that I was living life and doing equally meaningful things instead of pursuing this.

    Now I’m thirty there is no trepidation, no fear of anything . I feel neither confronted by my own mortality nor mournful of my youth. I feel alive and purged of the mistakes of the past. So many things that I was incapable of doing – mentally, emotionally and physically – seem possible now. The aspects of my personality that have seemed distinctly confusing now seem more distinct (though no less confusing) , identifiable and thus controllable.

    Being able to face one’s fears and challenges unencumbered and with courage seemed to have eluded me until now.

    Challenges

    At thirty, I finally feel adequately equipped to face anything. As if the framework for facing any challenge is finally complete or at the very least, as good as it can be. But within this framework are the seeds for future enhancement – humility and respect for everyone else (with a few notable exceptions – hey, I’m working on them!).

    Of all the challenges that I can guess at, the most significant are listed below:

    1. Losing my Mum – there’s life in the old bird yet – but she has less of the future than she has of the past.
    2. Watching my children grow into young people and having less of an impact on their reasoning.
    3. Having the courage to let my children go when they are ready – and knowing when they are ready!
    4. Changing careers and delivering my dream of arming myself to fight injustice and inhumanity.
    5. Discovering love.
    6. Becoming even less stressed, calmer and more open to the wisdom within others and myself – that is my quiet counsel.

    All in all, I am happy. The happiest I have been in all my adult life. The air smells fresher and the future seems brighter (perhaps divorce will do that to you!). The realisation that no one has the answers to the lingering questions of love , life and death is such a liberating state. It goes along with the feeling of rebirth – that I can do what I feel I need to do (within the boundaries of my morality) and the world is there for the exploring.

    Without trying to sound morbid (heavens forbid!) , if Death were to come now, my regret would be limited to regretting the future pleasure of seeing my children be all I know they will.

    PS.  We do not have all the time in the world. There are only so many hours in the day, and even less of them are productive.

  • Being Human

    Given the time in which we live, when all seems so dangerous and unstable; when the cry of the suffering seems so loud – yet unheard; when the tears of the broken seem like floods – yet left untended. It seems a particularly appropriate time for me to contemplate what it means to be human.

    Almost all mainstream religions and belief systems place human beings in a favoured position with whatever supernatural force they deem responsible for the creation of the earth and all within it.

    Humans are special, we say we are special, so we must be special. What does it mean to be special? – I suppose it depends on who we are special to?. We are the pinnacle of creation, the most resourceful, the most intelligent – so intelligent we have the self granted authority to qualify the intelligence of other creatures in relation to our own. Semi omnipotent (of course, there can only be one Omnipotent force), we have the power to dispense death yet cannot equally give life. We can cause so much suffering but have yet to master causing joy and happiness to the same extent. So maybe being human is about being special to the God, a god or gods. To be servient to a higher being; endowed with intellect enough to set it aside and devote one’s entirety to blind dedication to the unseen but ever present.

    Native American spirituality believes that to be human is to have an elevated status. This status centers on us has having a special relationship with the Spirit. More than a simple status, it obligates every Human Being to be responsible for the earth and all within it. Characterised by a strong belief in a balance, a state of equilibrium amongst all the plants and creatures of the earth it is seen as our duty as Human Beings to actively preserve this balance.

    In my youth I sampled three of the world’s main religions (christianity – the evangelistic ‘born-again’ sort, islam and buddhism). Partly as a search for something concrete to base my life on (to get some unfailing, unquestioning guidance), partly as a way to fit into a society so ingrained with religion that to abstain from it was social suicide. (plus I was courting this hot chick!). This experience taught me more about human frailty, need, greed and power than about God or love or indeed an acceptable definition of what being human really was.

    (now this is interesting! – would I be prepared to accept a definition of what being human was if it turned out to be cynical and devoid of hope?)

    Perhaps being human is about love. Being able to love, to choose to love, what and whom. Don’t animals love? I believe they can and do. Maybe one can’t measure it in a lab (which is no proof that it doesn’t exist!), but I believe that every living creature is capable of love – the endearment to something that gives one pleasure and meaning. It would be too arrogant to say love was an human emotion which implies animals are partly human. Perhaps a more apt description would be that love is an attribute of something from which all life stems.

    Or is being human about being obsessed with trying to find meaning to our existence as human beings. Perhaps being human is divine-speak for ‘lost and searching instead of just being’. Is that the spark that sets humans apart from mere animals, who accept their existence as what it is. Or is that human ignorance prevents us from appreciating that animals are just as curious of their place in the cosmos as we are?

    I think that to be human is to love and respect the fountain from which we all fall as droplets of the divine; and to project this love and respect for other such droplets.

    Whatever it turns out to be or not, one thing is certain – I shan’t be the first nor the last to want to know. So long as people of all ages seek to know what being human really means, there is hope that some may find an answer that helps all.

  • In the moment

    Looking out from my third floor flat , out over the lights of small town England. The lights, the quiet, the peace; a wave of humility hits me, a spontaneous connection to the human family and I cast my mind to what may be happening at this very moment, elsewhere in the world.

    Somewhere in the world at this moment are people getting killed, robbed , raped. Somewhere someone is getting told they have a terminal illness and their days are numbered, their cards marked for a slow and painful slide to stop.

    Some lucky folk somewhere in this world are falling in love, getting laid, experiencing parenthood.

    Perhaps at this moment someone is going blind, consigned to a future of darkness,confusion and discrimination.

    Right now some one somewhere is cursing God (god or gods?) whilst another is praising Him (or Her/Them?).

    Somewhere, at this moment, someone is being abused. Their basic human rights are being violated as I stand here. Perhaps they are a child, a woman, old or young.

    At this moment people with the hope of a better life are stranded in the Sahara desert because the truck they hired to smuggle them to a new life in the west just broke down and by morning they would be dead – of thirst, slow and painful.

    There are so many scenarios of what could be happening at this moment. For sure death, loss , love, joys and sorrows are certainly being experienced. To what extent and whether they are in balance is entirely something else.

    An emotional overload, the sheer quantity of possibilities and the emotion contained in each is so overwhelming. Somehow it feels like if I just listened hard enough or made myself feel it strongly enough, I could somehow experience a deep connection with each person.

    There is no logic for it , certainly medicine would find a name for it (if you can name it, you can treat it n’est pas?). I cannot explain why I felt this, but I’m glad I did.

    (to be continued)

  • Can The Rich Help The Poor?

    Apparently there isn’t enough money in the world to address the serious problems facing the planet and its inhabitants. The serious problems identified include hunger, poverty, lack of education, disease and pollution.

    This is the conclusion of Professor Bjorn Lomborg, author of ‘The Skeptical Environmentalist’ and host of the Copenhagen Consensus 2004 – a conference of leading minds (Nobel laureates included) to come up with proposals for prioritising the addressing of the world’s most serious issues. They hope the outcomes of this conference will be adopted by political policy makers who have to juggle the limited resources against need (often they make these decisions based on applause levels or media friendliness).

    In any case, the general consensus seems to be that money and the political will to spend it correctly (rather than popularly) are the main push in addressing the ills of the world. In my view (uneducated but well informed and idealistic as it is) is that the world’s problems can only be solved when everyone cares just a little bit more than they do.

    According to the UN statistics, a sixth of the world’s population lives in the most developed regions of the world , the rest in the less developed regions. One could get more detailed about this and find the statistics to back it up, but these are the basic implications of this statistic – a sixth of the world

    – is richer;

    – is healthier

    – lives longer

    – consumes more of the world’s resources

    – is generally more secure than the rest of the world.

    Would it be so impossible for the better off to take responsibility for five others from the less well off (ok – adopt a less off – if you will) and helped to educate the children, provide a basic balanced diet, help to transfer skills of production and generally take more interest in the existence of others and the larger human family. These are emergency times calling for emergency measures.

    Could all those involved in the delivery of goods and services that are engaged in the struggle against global poverty (which frankly is at the root of the attendant hordes of hunger and disease) not simply work for the survival of the species by volunteering their services and products. Sure they cost something – but if no one took payment what would it matter?

    Increasingly , people from all over the world are realising that we are going through unprecedented times. With the rise of multinational corporations’ scope and power, elected governments are often forced into a subordinate role to the interests of the corporation and thus its profits. People are realising that real power is theirs and are increasingly trying to wrestle back the power they relinquished to the state. The realisation that grassroots movements and people caring for other people is the only way forward.

    The days of paying some money into a charity box and supporting the work of charities and NGOs with a clear conscience are numbered. NGOs and charities are fighting a losing battle. Most do a great job, are manned by dedicated and passionate people but they are overwhelmed by the scale of the humanitarian catastrophes across the world. The global development aid budget exceeds $50 billion and this is merely a dent. Throwing more money is not an option, nor would it be a viable one if it were.

    There will never be enough money to fix the problems that face us as a world if we have to factor corporate profit into the budget or have to work against those whose primary business is promoting the very issues that we are working against (defence companies, arms suppliers etc – you know yourselves!). No amount of money can stop world hunger and disease (at least not for long) when huge profits and power are gained from maintaining these very same conditions.

    All this may indeed be idealistic hogwash – but it is an alternative nonetheless. Once we conclude that individual care and concern and the will to help other human beings out then we would have taken a massive step to facing our global responsibilities that we each have to our collective human family.

    There is not enough money in the world to absolve us of this responsibility.

  • Death, you damn bastard.

    Death, you damn bastard.

    My friend has a deadly brain tumor. They have done all they can, and now its time to rest and await Death, that damn bastard.

    He is more than my friend, he is my mentor – the guy I looked up to for the longest time, though not of the same mother or father, he is my brother. He made everything alright for a lot of people – me included.

    So much can be said of him now… so many occasions can be remembered. but there will be time for those – when the brandy is flowing and his friends are gathered.

    I remember him picking me up from the airport when I first ever set foot in the UK, in his suit and his Mercedes. I remember the drive from the airport with him, to my brother’s shared flat. The thought that I had him in the same country as me made my uncertain future a little more certain.

    He was always the expected guest at the party, the soul of the group. For as long as I can remember, he was Mr Dependable. He supported his parents and his siblings back home. He shouldered responsibilities many would shirk and he did this with dignity and maturity. He commanded the respect of his peers and the love of his friends. A love that transcended petty fallouts, one based on honor and respect and an appreciation that this was one damn fine human being.

    He was….No he IS a good man.

    Sure he had his demons, he perhaps drank a little too much. He could be cocky and perceptibly arrogant.

    His love for life and all within it was legendary, he loved wine, women and a good time. But when the time came for him to take his place amongst the respectably settled, he did so with his trademark confidence and fortitude and was equally successful at it as he was in all he undertook. He became a husband and a father to three beautiful children.

    But now the death that has shadowed him for two long years now is finally upon him and the twilight is near. If death could make a mistake, this would qualify as a pretty big one.

    Death , you damn bastard. Why would you take this man whose life has been a working lighthouse to many lesser opportuned souls cast adrift in a harsh world? Why abandon his family, his friends to a future without his wit, his confidence , his friendship and love? Surely there has been some sort of error, perhaps you got your list wrong. Maybe you spelt the name incorrectly. You damn bastard Death, spare him and redeem yourself. Can you not see it’s not his time?

    I cannot imagine a world without him in it, at least not such a happy one.

    After the sun has set on his story and the tears have fallen, life will go on. Age will tell on us all, memories will fade and in time the loss will dull. Yet his children will bear testimony that he did indeed walk this earth and through them his legacy must live on.

    Perhaps one can take a simple lesson from all this. Be like him. Help all you can and enjoy life to the full. So that when that damn bastard , Death comes to harvest your soul, you can say with absolute dignity and resolve that you led a good life and that you were now ready for the next. That you have done your best and the rest is left to , well, the rest.

    I salute you my friend, my brother. I will grieve you for a long time. In those moments when your name is uttered in friendly banter, be assured that it will be with respect and fondest memories.

    Featured Image By: Wayne Wilkinson – CC BY 2.0